Plain Advice

This morning when my alarm went off at 5:30, I could not drag myself out of bed. After hitting the snooze button until about 7:00, I finally started to wake up. The following conversation with my husband ensued:

Me: I don’t have time to work out this morning (I needed to get the kids to daycare and myself to work by 8:30am)

Jorge: That’s OK.

Me: Do you really think so?

Jorge: Yes.

Me: It’s OK to miss one day right? (I have been consistently exercising in the mornings for a few weeks now)

Jorge: It’s OK to miss one day. It’s OK to miss two days. It’s OK to miss three days. After that, it’s not OK anymore.

Me: Yeah, then you are back to being inert.

Jorge: Yep.

Inertia

Inertia is the tendency of a body to maintain its state of rest or uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force

The principle of inertia is described in Sir Isaac Newtons first law of motion: Every body perserveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight ahead, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by forces impressed. [Cohen and Whitman 1999 translation]

Inertia a very important concept in classical physics. I find it fascinating that very often, scientific principles apply to so many things. I know nothing about physics, but I do know that the principle of inertia is applicable to many parts of my life.

When you decide to make a change, getting started is usually the hardest part. If I go for a few days without exercising, I find it extremely hard to get going again (hence my husbands comment “after 3 days it’s not OK…, because for me, after that point it will often turn to weeks and months) . I find it very strange, because when I am in the habit of exercising, it is not hard at all to keep doing it. It feels natural and good. I feel like I am in my element. When I am engaged in healthy habits, I often look back to the way I was before (inactive, overeating, etc) and wonder why I thought it was so difficult to live the healthy way.

The answer is, it really is not hard. The difficult part is breaking the barrier of inertia. Being aware of this can help you get up the gusto to just do it… knowing that it will be hard at first, but the changes you make will require less effort once you establish some momentum.

Momentum

Momentum, in very simple terms, refers to the fact that although it requires work to start a process, once you are started, or moving, it is relatively easy to keep going.

Gaining momentum in any goal you are trying to reach requires an inital burst of energy. It requires some up front effort to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Riding a bicycle is a good example of the principle being described. Getting started takes the most effort. Once you are in motion and have established some speed, the effort of riding the bike is much less.

Willpower

A fresh look at willpower and the role it has in building momentum is given by Steve Pavlina .

Willpower provides an intensely powerful yet temporary boost. Think of it as a one-shot thruster. It burns out quickly, but if directed intelligently, it can provide the burst you need to overcome inertia and create momentum.

Willpower is a concentration of force. You gather up all your energy and make a massive thrust forward. You attack your problems strategically at their weakest points until they crack, allowing you enough room to maneuver deeper into their territory and finish them off.

The notion that willpower is something that you cannot use indefinitely (because it requires too much effort) helps in how you plan to reach a goal. You can plan to put your willpower to work for you in the beginning of your plan until you gain some momentum. You will then be able to maintain your momentum without the level of willpower needed in the beginning. Your momentum should continue on provided you don’t stop altogether. This is a very logical and reasonable way to approach a goal.

Putting It All Together

In review, inertia is the tendency of things at rest to remain at rest. Breaking through inertia initially requires a great deal of energy, or willpower. Once that barrier is broken, applying the force of willpower will create momentum that will make it easier for you to keep moving. The initial effort is worth the momentum it creates, and the motion you are in can be easily maintained.

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1. Don’t take another person’s reaction or anger personally , even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner.

2. Focus on responding instead of reacting. Reactions to situations that anger you or make you uncomfortable are usually spontaneous, and are mostly based on initial feelings. Sometimes you may react before the other person has even finished their sentence. Responding requires that you suspend judgement and become more objective before making your next move in the interaction.

3. You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know”.

4. Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them.

5. Improve your listening skills. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions. Try not to concentrate on what you are going to say next or what is going on outside of your converation. Give your full attention to the person you are talking to.

6. Remember that what someone says and what you hear can be very different! Your personal filters, assumptions, judgements, and beliefs can distort what you hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, “Have I understood you correctly?”

7. Look for common ground instead of focusing solely on differences. What might you both be interested in accomplishing?

8. Understand that most people, including you, have a unique, often self-serving agenda. Don’t assume that someone will know or share your agenda. Therefore talking about what is important to you in addition to finding out what is important to the other person can help build a solid foundation for your conversation.

9. Work to keep a positive mental focus. One of the choices we always have is how we act in any given circumstance.

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This article focuses on intercultural relationships. Although my marriage is both intercultural and interracial, I have found the cultural part to have a greater effect on our relationship out of the two. Race will be addressed in a different article.

Here are some things to keep in mind about intercultural relationships*:

1. Every relationship involves two individuals that were raised in different cultures. Even if you were both raised in the same geographical area, there are still differences in how you were raised and what you feel comfortable with (if you were raised in the same home ie you are brother and sister, hmmmm, I don’t know how I can help you there).

When it comes to intercultural marriage, you may have more significant differences to deal with, but basic principles of successful marriage and dealing with differences apply across the board.

2. It is imperative that you have something(s) that you can both identify with and base your relationship on. You need to have some common ground. If there is nothing that you can identify along these lines, you may want to rethink your decision to get into, or stay in the relationship.

My husband and I have some very fundamental things we share. We have the same basic set of religious beliefs and values, which is inclusive to many facets of our life. The things we have in common transcend the differences we have.

Language is something to consider here. Although it is not necessary for either of you to speak the native tongue of the other perfectly, it is important that there is one language you can effectively communicate in. It amazes me when I see people try to have a relationship when they cannot talk to each other due to language barriers.

For the most part, the relationships mentioned above are based mostly on sexual attraction. Why else would you be with somebody you could not talk to? Relationships between cultures are especially susceptible to this. These romances can be exciting, exotic and mysterious in the beginning, all of which are very powerful aphrodisiacs!

Although there is no question in my mind that sex is an important part of a relationship, it should not be the only common ground you share with your partner. If your goal is to establish a long term commitment to each other, you need to have more to work with and build on.

3. Do everything you can to learn about the culture of your significant other. Go to their place of origin if you have the opportunity.

I did not realize how important this was until I went to Bolivia. Being in Jorge’s culture of origin opened my eyes in so many ways about him. I understood things that made no sense to me before. A minor example is that Jorge loves hot drinks. He also loves to crank up the heat if he gets a little bit cold. I would get so annoyed that he always wanted to have a hot drink in the morning and would turn our house into a sauna during the winter. When I went to Bolivia, it was summer, but it was freezing cold in the a.m. (I can’t even imagine what winter is like). The houses are not insulated or heated like they are here. Therefore, I myself developed an affinity for hot drinks in the morning… it was the best way to get warm! I also suddenly understood Jorge’s preoccupation with the temperature, and finding the heat switch in our house to be a luxury (FYI…I still don’t like it when he turns the thermostat up to 80… I just understand a little more why he does it).

When I was able to see and understand things like this about my husband, I felt more connected to him, and it helped our relationship tremendously. If you are not able to visit the place your partner is from, the next best thing would be to find opportunities to interact with others from their culture locally. Find a restaurant that offers food and atmosphere that are part of the culture. Be willing to participate in recreational activities with others that are like cultured, even if it feels uncomfortable to you at first. Be open minded and willing to try new things.

4. Realize that within your relationship and your own family, you will be creating your own culture. Incorporate important aspects from both. Add things that you both feel are important regardless of cultural background.

5. If possible, associate with others who are in a similar types of relationships. When my husband and I were dating, he was wise to introduce me to other couples that consisted of an American woman with a Latin man. Initially, it was good just because I was able to see that these type of relationships can work. Over the years, I have developed deep friendships with some of these women. I continue to find these connections very valuable.

6. Follow your intuition . If you decide to be in a committed intercultural or interracial relationship, realize that you will run into some resistance and negative opinions from others. When you are following your intuition, it is much easier to deflect others negativity and have confidence in the decisions you have made.

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*Just a note that I use the words “relationship” and “marriage” interchangeably. This works within my paradigm, but you can replace the word marriage with relationship where applicable if marriage is not part of the picture for you.

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Once you have decided on a course of action, it is time to make a specific plan based on that decision. The option you decided on in the previous step will provide the framework for your plan. This involves setting short term goals, and making a plan that takes into account your specific situation.

Because this article is so generalized, it is difficult to set out a process for planning that would be relevant to every situation. However, the following 6 ideas are important to keep in mind no matter what you are dealing with:

1. Know your weaknesses and limitations. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Be realistic.

2. Capitalize on your strengths and resources. Make an inventory of them, and find ways to use them to your advantage.

3. Anticipate obstacles. Be prepared for them so their impact on your goal is minimal. This also helps prevent discouragement because when obstacles do come up, you had already planned for them. They are just part of the process.

4. Write down your plan. There is something very powerful about getting it out of your brain and onto paper. I feel more committed and accountable when I write it down.

5. Make your plan as specific as you can. At the same time, be open minded and flexible. Be willing to change the specifics depending on how well they are (or aren’t) working for you. Many times your vision becomes clearer as you are actually working on your goals, and you will realize that your original plan can be improved.

6. Figure out how you will measure your progress. Make sure it is a part of your plan to assess how you are doing periodically.

Once you have a plan, it is time to JUST DO IT!!!!!

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I realized that since I started my weight loss program, I have not updated this site on my progress, which I said I would do once a week. I will update up to this point and then do the weekly updates as I originally planned. Today is day 20… only 1 day away from being 3 weeks into my plan. I am continuing to be very motivated and encouraged with how things are going.

My first weigh in was on day 2… I had lost .6 lbs Not bad for only 2 days!

My second weigh in was on day 9… I had lost 1.8 lbs. Yippee!!

My second weigh in was on day 16… I had lost another 1.2.

That is 3.7 lbs as of day 16. My goal was to lose 2 lbs a week, and that is about 1/2 lb short of my goal. But I realize I really cannot control my rate of weight loss… I will just keep following the Weight Watcher’s Program and I know I will continue to see results!

In addition to the success I am seeing on the scale, I am also feeling much more healthy, energetic, confident, positive, optimistic… there are a whole bunch of positive side effects coming as I make efforts to be more healthy.

I have been exercising regularly, which is so good for me in so many ways. I have been lifting weights a couple times a week, running, cycle class, and using other cardio equipment at the gym. I have been doing all my exercise in the morning, which I really like to do.

I have also been writing in a weight loss journal each night, recording my food, exercise, and feelings for the day (I will post this entire journal for anyone who cares to read it, after I have reached my goal). I really feel that this part of my plan is helping me to maintain my focus. I had a couple of days where I got off track, but writing in the journal before bed helped me redirect my attention back to what I really want. This is a huge accomplishment for me… to get up and get right back on the program after messing up. In the past I have had problems with slipping up and then taking major detours… sometimes for months at a time.

Another thing I feel is helping me is this website. Not only that I have obligated myself to report to the whole world (if they care to read) about my progress, but because I love creating this site. I think its really true what they say about replacing bad habits with good ones… in my case I think I was often eating out of boredom. I am never bored anymore, because I always have something to think about or do that I really enjoy… and that is, writing about the things that matter to me most, so I can share them with you.

So there is my update, for those of you who care to know!

Thanks for stopping by!

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When I met my husband 10 years ago, I was a much different person than I am today. Never in all my years of growing up, did I imagine that I would marry, or even date someone like him. I’m sure glad I learned better!

I am Caucasian, born and bred in the U.S. of A. My husband is Latino, born and raised in Bolivia (It’s in South America… for all of you who aren’t so good at geography. Don’t worry, I had no idea where Bolivia was 10 years ago either).

When I met Jorge, I was attending a predominan tly white , american university, with a very conservative population. I was dating and associating with others like myself who had grown up like me and I expected that my life would follow on that path.

I had just started volunteering at a local school (this was a requirement of my social work program). The very first day there I met Jorge. I was sitting in the lobby, and he walked toward me. I observed a short, brown, well dressed, man. He stopped to talk to me, and I immediately noticed that he had a very thick accent. I was taken by surprise when, after a little small talk, he asked me on a date. I said no. Actually I am not sure I was that direct, but somehow I did decline. Dating him was just nowhere in my plans or paradigm.

Well, for the next few times I showed up at my volunteer job, I wouldI would happen to run into Jorge (later I found out this was not purely coincidence, but carefully planned)

Each time I would run into him, he would ask me out again.

After a few times of this happening and me declining his invitations, I finally gave in and said I would go out with him. On the condition that we each brought some friends. He agreed, and we set a date and time.

When Jorge came to pick me up, my friends and I were ready. We went out to the car and I was surprised to see that he was not driving a low rider with the base pumped up (yeah, I had a few stereotypes to overcome). He was driving an SUV. To illustrate just how young and naive I was, when I saw the SUV, I assumed it belonged to his parents (I had never even had my own car at that point). Nope, it was his, and I was pretty impressed. Still not thinking that this would go anywhere, but impressed.

So we went to a restaurant and while we waited to be seated, we sat on a crowded bench together. While we talked, I noticed that his breath smelled really good and his teeth were really white. I liked the things he was saying too. But I kept saying in my head “its too bad I can’t date this guy” because I realized that there were a lot of things I was liking about him.

Well, the rest is really history. By the end of that date, I had thrown my caution to the wind and decided to go out with him again. Within a few weeks, I knew I really really liked Jorge. After four years of dating, we were finally married (you will be able to read more about those four years later). At the time of this writing, we have been married for a little over 6 years ( you will undoubtedly also have access to lots of stuff that involves our years of marriage so far. Lucky you! ).

When Jorge and I started dating seriously, I was met with some resistance. My parents were really supportive, and liked him from the beginning (I am lucky to have really awesome parents). Most others in my family were also supportive, but my grandpa was not happy about us being together at all. He told me “you need to find a white man to date”, and I told him that Jorge treated me better than any white man I knew (by the way, I have absolutely nothing against the “white man”. I was just using that as a comeback at my grandpa)*. I also had some friends that said similar things to me (usually in a more politically correct way though).

In addition to the “inter-relationship”** issues that were coming up, after a few months of dating, Jorge finally mustered the courage to tell me that he was divorced and had 3 children. Well, he is lucky he waited to tell me, because by that time I already loved him, and therefore I was willing to love whatever came with him.

Although I loved Jorge and wanted to be with him, I had to go through a lot of growing up before I was able to be confident in our relationship. Going through this process was not easy. I struggled for a long time with insecurities about what others thought and how life would be for us as an interracial and intercultural couple. I had to go through a lot of shifts in my thinking to get to the point I am at today.

As a social work student, I had many opportunities to use my school required research papers to my advantage. For most of them, I chose topics that had something or another to do with my relationship. I looked everywhere I could to find out about others experiences with “inter- marriage”**. I looked for research, help, tips advice. I was usually disappointed at the lack of useful materials out there on the subject.

One of my goals with this website is to provide some informative and practical information and insight regarding inter-marriage. I also have a thing or two to say about blended families, step parenting, etc, however those topics tend to be more widely addressed already.

I predict that interracial and intercultural relationships are going to continue to become more common as the world becomes a smaller place through technological advances. I feel it is important that insight, advice and experiences be disseminated to help those marriages be more successful. I am assuming that there is more information out there today than there was 6-10 years ago, when I was really looking for it. Even so, I think I have some valuable things to add.

So there you go…. a little bit more about me and why I am here. Keep your eyes open for some follow up articles on this topic, as they are coming soon.

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*FYI… I have no hard feelings toward my grandpa. He ended up coming around and really loving Jorge once he got to know him.

**I use this term to refer to interracial and/or intercultural. In my relationship, we have both issues, but I don’t want to write the full thing out each time I refer to it.

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I woke up this morning deeply troubled about the thoughts I posted last night. Whether it came across in what I wrote or not, I was feeling pretty discouraged about what, if any good has come from my work (remember, I am a social worker).

This morning, as I was in the middle of weight lifting class, I had an epiphany. Really not a new idea, just a reminder to me of what I am really all about.

It started with me thinking about my own life. My own problems that really, are pretty much the same things I have been struggling with since I can remember. Does the fact that I am once again in the gym, looking in the mirror at my overweight body mean that I don’t care about it? Does it mean that any previous accomplishments in that area are null and void, that I am a failure because of where I am today?

The instructor teaching my class is ironically the one that I started with 3 years ago. He doesn’t know me personally. At one point he knew my name, but I didn’t go for so long, I think he forgot. I wonder if he sees me, and feels the same way I do when I see one of my clients. One of the many who had supposedly resolved the problem that brought them to me, now returning, dealing with the same problem over again.

Does he get discouraged at my outward lack of progress? I’m pretty sure I am not the only person he sees like me, riding the weight roller coaster. Does he feel like giving up on helping people become healthy? Does he think “that girl keeps coming back fat!!! She must not care! I have not done her a bit of good!” ?

I don’t think so. I imagine that first of all, he keeps doing what he is doing because working out directly benefits him. He has his own personal rewards with his own health just from being up there exercising his own muscles.

Secondly, I hope that he would look at me, giving me the benefit of the doubt. I would like to tell him my story about how, after I lost almost 50 lbs in part because of his help before, I got pregnant and put the weight back on. I hope that he would have a positive regard toward me and think of me as a success because I am back. And even though I may appear to be in the same shoes I was 3 years ago, I am not.

Because of what I went through before , I am different. Even if people can’t see it on the outside, it doesn’t mean that I am the same. I know things and feel things and see things because of the success I had before. I am more confident that I can do it again. I want to do it again because I know how wonderful it feels to be healthy.

Life is not a destination. It is a process, and at any given moment in that process, we are all failing at one thing or another. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is the direction we travel on, and the growth we experience along the way. Even if it is slow, even if it is so small that others can’t see it, moving forward is success.

My work contributes to my own success in life because what I do directly benefits my own personal growth. I learn from and am challenged all the time by the problems I try to help people solve. Meeting challenges equals growth for me. Whether or not they make the effort to fix their own life, just the fact that I am helping them benefits me. It gives me more awareness, insight, and refines me into a better person.

Secondly, if the people I work with are changed inside at all throughout our interactions then something worthwhile has happened. Even if a seed is planted inside of them of hope for a better life, that is success. Who knows when the seed will take root and actually start to grow.

Therefore, here I am, once again an optimist…

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One thing I am coming to accept is that although there are solutions to all problems, some people just don’t care. Most people will say they want to have a better life, but only a handful are actually willing to do what it takes to get there. Which type of person are you?

I am a social worker and I don’t doubt at all that I was made to work in this capacity. The goals and philosophies of my work resonate deeply in my soul. Engaging with people comes very naturally to me. I have won some awards and been recognized in other ways that have given me validation that others can see the contribution I make. The highest compliments have come directly from my clients.

At times, though, I get pretty frustrated. No matter what I do, so many of the people I try to help fail miserably. Too often the changes they make are just temporary, and as soon as they are off the hook of being monitored and scrutinized, they are right back to square one. Whether it is drugs, bad relationships, mental health issues, financial crisis, anger….

Why? Why are these people so stuck?

My first reaction is to blame myself. There must be something more I could have done to ensure their success. And maybe there is. I know I screw up. Sometimes things slip through the cracks. I am terrible at keeping track of all the paperwork that is required by the government. I constantly struggle to balance the endless needs of the people I work for vs my own wants and needs.

But thinking that my role is so critical to the success or failure of others is really egocentric on my part. In reality, I don’t have much to do with their successes or failures at all. Just as I am completely responsible to make my life what it is, so are they. I may be able to provide instruments that help them reach up to a better life, but an instrument doesn’t work unless you pick it up and actually use it.

Actually, I think many people are comfortable with their dysfunction. It is a culture they live in and migrate back to without someone prodding them in the other direction. Migrating to a comfort zone is not a phenomenon that is isolated to the part of society that receives social services. It is the natural tendency of everyone. I know that I tend to migrate toward my comfort zones. Luckily, I was raised in a functional family with functional role models, so I tend to migrate toward a more functional way of life. But what about those who have never had a functional comfort zone?

Am I overgeneralizing? Of course. There are always exceptions. I have seen some of my clients make real changes in their lives, and stick to them. But these experiences seem to be few and far between.

Honestly, I am burned out from working with people who have such a high rate of failure. It is actually quite uncommon for someone to work on the frontlines of social work for as long as I have (8 years). Most people move up into administrative positions, where they are no longer directly exposed to these issues I speak of, or they go back to school to become therapists. Some change their career path completely. Maybe I should consider one of these options.

I want to contribute in ways that brought me to social work in the first place… like I said, the goals and philosophies of my work resonate deeply in me. Maybe I just need to shift my paradigm toward what I do, and measure my success differently. I am not sure.

While this post may not sound very “solution focused”, really, I am writing it mostly to help me find a solution.

If I cannot change others, I can change myself. If my talents are not being utilized by the people around me, there must be ways that I can put myself in a position to contribute in a more impactful way? How can I find more satisfaction with the results of my work? I want to give people hope and real help to reach higher. I want to reach people who want to change, who are motivated to do whatever it takes.

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Generally, when people try to solve a problem, they turn to solutions that are most familiar and socially acceptable. This is OK, if the solutions work. However, I have seen great things happen when a more obscure, socially questionable approach is taken.

I have a co-worker who is a single man in his 40’s. He decided a few months ago that he was not reaching his financial goals. After brainstorming through his options, he made a very drastic move. He gave his dog away, put most of his things in storage, sold his motorcycle and bought an SUV. He moved out of the house he was renting, and became homeless by choice. He is now directing all of his income toward his savings/investments. The only money he uses for everyday expenses (like food) is money that he gets by selling things on e-bay. He has a gym membership, so he goes there to shower. He sleeps in his car. He spends the rest of his time between his office and school.

Most people who I share this true story with shake their heads and say that this guy must be crazy. Maybe he is a little crazy. But I have to give him kudos for thinking outside the box, and having the guts to make such a drastic life change.

From what I have seen, my friend seems to be thriving in his new lifestyle. He was very unhappy and depressed before. Now he exudes hope and confidence. He is excited that he is actually making significant progress on his goals. He has told me that in addition to progressing toward his financial goals quickly, he is happy with many of the side effects of being homeless.

One of the unexpected perks is that he no longer vegetates in front of the TV at night, wasting hours doing nothing. If he wants to watch TV, he goes to the gym and walks on the treadmill during the show he wants to see. Recently, he was watching an NBA playoff game that was several hours long, and he walked during the entire game. He is losing weight and feeling healthy. He also recently got up the courage to contact an old schoolmate that he has always had a crush on. He has had so much positive energy since he became homeless.

This guy is not planning to maintain his homeless lifestyle forever, just until he reaches certain goals. He projects that he will reach those goals in a few months, at the rate he is going.

Now, I know this is an extreme example that most people, myself included, could not pull off. My co-worker is free of many of the obligations that require one to have a home, such as children.

The reason I share this story is to illustrate the principle of thinking creatively when it comes to finding solutions to your problems. Don’t do yourself an injustice by ignoring options just because others didn’t have the same idea, or because they won’t understand your method.

About seven years ago I was struggling, once again, with being overweight. I had tried lots of weight loss methods, and was feeling down because of my failures. At that time, I decided that I did not want to diet anymore. I was tired of the constant battle with food. I decided that to get to a healthy weight and stay there, I would have to become a really good exerciser. I took it a step further. I had seen my mom run a marathon, and had been inspired as I watched her, and the other runners cross the finish line. It was a very moving experience for me, and I had a deep desire to be one of those people.

It was March or April when I made the decision. The marathon I decided to run was in October of that year. I was 40 lbs overweight and could barely run for a couple minutes straight, let alone 26.2 miles. When I told people about my intentions, I could see the disbelief in many of their eyes.

I started training by running around a track… running one lap, walking a lap, running a lap, walking a lap. At times I felt foolish for aiming so high. I could imagine what reaction I would get if I were to tell the athletes that were running ahead of me about my aspirations. But most of the time, I was so determined that I was going to reach my goal that I just kept looking forward to the future and doing whatever it took to reach the goal.

Although I will not write about my entire marathon experience here (it is definitely enough for its own post), I will conclude by saying that I did run the marathon, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I learned things about myself and gained confidence that is very much a part of who I am today. I did have the side effect of losing weight as I trained (which was originally my primary goal), but this was only a small part of the positive rewards I had for my efforts.

Had I let social norms and the expectations of others dictate my approach to weight loss, I never would have had the marathon experience.

My point in saying all this is to encourage you to look inside yourself for answers that may be less than obvious. When you come up with an idea that seems wild or too out there, don’t discount it right away. Really think about it and consider if it is actually feasible. If it is not, think about it in variations that might work.

If you feel very passionate about an idea that seems crazy to everybody else, maybe you are actually onto something.

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Once you have identified your problem , you are ready to begin the process of finding a solution. This process basically involves exploring possible solutions and deciding which option you will implement.

This process can be simple, especially if you are already familiar with the particular problem you are trying to solve. For example, I have struggled with weight issues since I was young. I have already done a lot of the process of sorting through the different approaches to weight loss, and I know which one has worked for me in the past. Therefore, when I find myself in a situation where I need to lose weight, I don’t have to go back and find what works all over again.

If you are unfamiliar with your problem, or if you have never experienced a satisfactory solution to an ongoing dilemma, the process of identifying the solution will probably take more time. You may find yourself overwhelmed with all the information, and all the people who are trying to sell you on different solutions.

I will outline some principles that I find to be very helpful in the process we are discussing. These principles can be applied in a variety of different problem solving situations.

1. Do your research. Take advantage of all the information that is available. Make sure your information comes from valid sources (for example, if you read an article in a magazine that says “Advertisement”, realize that the source of the article is trying to sell you their product. Therefore the article may not be very objective).

2. Seek information from others who have experienced the same problem you have, and who you feel have successfully resolved or managed their issue. I have found this way of exploring options to be very useful.

3. Consider the resources you are able to put into solving this problem. Be realistic. How much money, time and effort can you afford to put toward solving this problem? What are the differences in cost between solutions?

4. When considering options, it is important that the method you choose is congruent with your personal values.

5. Don’t overanalyze and get stuck in this step. It is better to choose an option, try it and fail then it is to become paralyzed at this stage because you aren’t sure what to do. Failure is a great tool that can help you refine your search for a solution that works. In Steve Pavlina’s Personal Development for Smart People he talks about how it is better to take the “Ready, fire, aim” approach rather than the “Ready aim aim aim aim” approach. Meaning that firing at the wrong target can give you valuable feedback so you can aim more accurately the next time. But if you just keep aiming without firing, you will definately not hit your target.

6. Have an open mind. Some of the best solutions ever have been found when people were creative and were able to think outside the box.

7. Listen to your intuition . Learn to connect with your inner voice and learn to trust yourself. Remember that you are the expert when it comes to you. Have confidence in your ability to choose the way that will work for you. Read this excellent article that delves more deeply into the role of intuition in decision making.

Take the time and effort to make the best decision you can. But as I mentioned in step #5, don’t get stuck here because you can’t decide how you want to resolve your problem. Make the best decision you can with the information you have.

Once you have decided on a course of action, it is time to make a specific plan. That process will be addressed in the next section of this series.

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