Plain Advice

I am one of the lucky people whose mom and dad are still married to each other. In fact, today is their 36th wedding anniversary… (Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!) so in honor of this special day, I am going to share some of the things I have learned about marriage from them.

1- Happily married people don’t always agree. Growing up, I saw only subtle disagreements between my parents (a look my mom would give my dad, things like that)… they did a great job of keeping their arguments to themselves (I never appreciated how hard this is until I became a parent).

But as an adult, it has been important for me to know that my parents have their differences, and it’s ok… they are still happy.

2- It’s perfectly normal and healthy for happily married people to pursue their own interests and have some independence from each other. But at the end of the day (or the business trip), home is where the heart is.

3- Divorce is not an option. At least, it never has been for my parents. The day I got married, my mom gave me the advice to never even joke about divorce. She had been given this same advice when she was newly married, and following it has served my parents well. When you start talking about divorce in any context, it is more likely to become an option, instead of finding ways to work through the problems you are having.

4- Small gestures matter. Like when my dad wrote, as his New Years resolution “make Pam happy”. Or the sweet cards he gives her on special occasions (I am nosy and usually end up reading them, if they are sitting around).

Or how, when my dad is coming home from a business trip, my mom goes out and stocks up on all his favorite foods.

And you can’t leave out the importance of pet names… to dad, my mom is “pambone” or “my sweet baboo” (don’t ask).

5- Make sure to have alone time. When us kids were young, my parents were consistent about going on dates and spending time by themselves. I remember being mad sometimes that they wouldn’t take me to the movies with them! Now that I am married with kids, I can see how important it was that they made time to do that.

Even now, when Dad comes home from a business trip (after being away for months at a time) I usually don’t see too much of them at all… because they are busy being together.

6- Taking care of yourself is good for your marriage. As you can see in the picture below, both of my parents are active, healthy, EXTREMELY attractive people

How does this help their marriage? Duh. I’m not even gonna go there…

7- Trust, and be worthy of the trust of your spouse. In the past few years, my parents have spent a lot of time apart because of my dad’s job. They are separated for months at a time, and trust is a very important part of their success.

8- (Last, but perhaps most important)… I grew up with the belief that marriage lasts. It is stable and reliable, and doesn’t change with the wind. This is a legacy that I want my children to witness and learn from my marriage, the same way I learned it from my parents.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Thanks for giving me what so many people are missing… parents who still love each other!

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This entry was posted on Sunday, August 12th, 2007 at 11:01 pm and is filed under Marriage and Relationships, Miscellaneous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.