Plain Advice

I am one of the lucky people whose mom and dad are still married to each other. In fact, today is their 36th wedding anniversary… (Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!) so in honor of this special day, I am going to share some of the things I have learned about marriage from them.

1- Happily married people don’t always agree. Growing up, I saw only subtle disagreements between my parents (a look my mom would give my dad, things like that)… they did a great job of keeping their arguments to themselves (I never appreciated how hard this is until I became a parent).

But as an adult, it has been important for me to know that my parents have their differences, and it’s ok… they are still happy.

2- It’s perfectly normal and healthy for happily married people to pursue their own interests and have some independence from each other. But at the end of the day (or the business trip), home is where the heart is.

3- Divorce is not an option. At least, it never has been for my parents. The day I got married, my mom gave me the advice to never even joke about divorce. She had been given this same advice when she was newly married, and following it has served my parents well. When you start talking about divorce in any context, it is more likely to become an option, instead of finding ways to work through the problems you are having.

4- Small gestures matter. Like when my dad wrote, as his New Years resolution “make Pam happy”. Or the sweet cards he gives her on special occasions (I am nosy and usually end up reading them, if they are sitting around).

Or how, when my dad is coming home from a business trip, my mom goes out and stocks up on all his favorite foods.

And you can’t leave out the importance of pet names… to dad, my mom is “pambone” or “my sweet baboo” (don’t ask).

5- Make sure to have alone time. When us kids were young, my parents were consistent about going on dates and spending time by themselves. I remember being mad sometimes that they wouldn’t take me to the movies with them! Now that I am married with kids, I can see how important it was that they made time to do that.

Even now, when Dad comes home from a business trip (after being away for months at a time) I usually don’t see too much of them at all… because they are busy being together.

6- Taking care of yourself is good for your marriage. As you can see in the picture below, both of my parents are active, healthy, EXTREMELY attractive people

How does this help their marriage? Duh. I’m not even gonna go there…

7- Trust, and be worthy of the trust of your spouse. In the past few years, my parents have spent a lot of time apart because of my dad’s job. They are separated for months at a time, and trust is a very important part of their success.

8- (Last, but perhaps most important)… I grew up with the belief that marriage lasts. It is stable and reliable, and doesn’t change with the wind. This is a legacy that I want my children to witness and learn from my marriage, the same way I learned it from my parents.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Thanks for giving me what so many people are missing… parents who still love each other!

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Anybody who knows me well could tell you that I am an avid fan of Celine Dion. It’s true. There is something about her voice that really gets to me. She is one talented senorita.

My affinity for Celine started about 10 years ago. It’s funny, because it was my husband that had a few of her CD’s we would listen to together… with time, some of her songs became “our” songs. Maybe part of my love for Celine’s music has something to do with those early days of our relationship when I was falling in love with Jorge. Beautiful sappy sweetness.

When I was pregnant with my first child, Celine had just given birth to her son. Her lullaby album “Miracle” touched me deeply as the lyrics turned toward her love and hopes for her child. I could identify because I felt the exact same things about my new little baby boy. Many times I would listen to that CD in my car and end up with tears streaming down my face at the sheer joy of being a mother. Beautiful music has a way of bringing those kinds of feelings right up to the surface of my soul.

For our 4th wedding anniverary, Jorge and I took a trip to Las Vegas and went to Celine’s show, “A New Day” in the Colliseum at Caesar’s Palace. It was fantastic. Celine was even more talented in person. I remember as she finished the encore, I was terribly disappointed that the show was over. It had flown by so fast.

The next morning, Jorge and I visited the Celine Dion Boutique in Caesar’s Palace, and bought a few souveniers. One of them was an autobiography of Celine. As we travelled home from Vegas, I read the entire book.

As I read I was impressed with several things about Celine.

First, she decided at a young age that she was going to promote her talent, not her body and/or sex. If you look at Celine Dion, she has always had a classiness and integrity about her that most female singers today don’t have. She is clean and refreshing.

Celine is very family oriented. She grew up in tight knit clan, and she continues to be very close to them. Her marriage to her manager, Rene’ Angelil is often criticized because of their extreme difference in age (he is much older than her)… I myself thought their relationship odd until I read the autobiography.

Celine adores Rene’, and he adores her. A particularly touching part of the story was a few years back when Rene’ was diagnosed with cancer. Celine took a complete break from singing to spend every moment at his side. Miraculously, he recovered. Celine expresses in her book that she will never take one moment with him for granted after a scare like that. He is the only man she has been with and I would be very surprised if they ever split up. Celine is one of the few superstars out there who seems to cherish marriage.

For the past 6 years or so, since little Charles was born, Celine’s maternal side has surfaced. She adores her son… the main reason she cites for signing a long term contract in Las Vegas was to provide stability for her child. Another priority for her was being able to spend time with him. Her contract only required her to work at night, when he was sleeping. So instead of jetting around here, there and everywhere, little Charles actually has a place that he can call home.

Something else about this celebrity is that you will rarely, if ever, see Celine Dion mentioned in the tabloids. You know that if there was anything scandalous going on with her, the paparazzi would have caught on.

Many of todays talent starts out OK, but as they climb the ladder of fame and fortune, their clothes get smaller, as do their values and morals. Drugs and sex are the name of the game. Look at Britney Spears. A few years ago, Britney was bright eyed and had a lot to say about the things her mother had taught her. Look at her today. The sad thing is, there are so many others like her.

So what is my advice in all this?

Even if you don’t particularly like Celine, it’s OK (really! Although I seriously have to wonder why)

Find and support talented people who inspire and uplift you.

Share those things with your children. Teach them to appreciate the beauty and value of a really good singer, an amazingly talented piano player, or whatever it is that expands you and makes you want to be better.

Help the children around you learn that people with values and integrity can be and are very successful.

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I am a walking contradiction. I have an official diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which is widely known for its very organized and clean tendencies. And in some situations I am very organized (and almost always very clean). But in many many ways I am a disorganized mess. I won’t try to explain my theory on my inconsistency here (I’ll save that for another post), but I do want to share a very simple organization tool that I recently rediscovered.

It is so simple that it is almost embarassing. Anybody who can write can implement it.  What is the tool you ask? A running “to do” list. 

Almost too simple to discuss.  But sometimes, the simple ways of doing things are the most powerful.  And sometimes, tweaking something just a little bit makes it exponentially more useful.

At work, especially, I am bombarded with endless tasks (as a social worker, I am constantly receiving new information about my cases that need follow up). In my 8 years at this work, I have not found a satisfactory way to keep track of all these things that need to be done. I have tried different approaches, but often the methods were too complicated or time consuming for me to sustain.

Last week I was feeling particularly overwhelmed and frustrated at my lack of organization. So I pulled out a legal pad and made a list of all the things in my brain that needed to get done. It turned out to be a pretty long list. For the next several days, each time I wondered what to do next, I looked at the list. I was able to redirect myself and remember what I needed to be doing. While talking on the phone (which always creates more work for me) I would just jot down reminders to myself on this list.  Not on sticky notes, which tend to get shuffled around and lost.  But on my legal pad that I had right there at my desk (I now prefer the legal pad because I can fit so many more items on one page due to the length of the paper).  That way, it is there, at the center of my work.  

In the past, my to do list wasn’t as effective as it could have been because I tried to take it with me everywhere I went.  It usually ended up lost in the bottom of my bag, or not there at the very moment I needed it, which is usually when I am at my desk.   I tried keeping the list electronically, but because I dropped my Palm Pilot and lost all my data on more than one occasion, I decided that paper is for me when it comes to important details.

The best thing about this very basic way of doings things?  My productivity went way up. And my anxiety level went way down.

At the end of the workday, before leaving the office, I can look at my list and feel confident that all the urgent items for the day have been crossed off.  Which means that when I get home, I am home and don’t have that nagging feeling that something was left undone.  I can also get a glimpse of what I need to be prepared for the next day.

When the list outgrows the paper, I just transfer all the items that are not yet done to another page and then start fresh from there. 

With my list in front of me, I don’t need to remember so many details.  Seeing the whole list on one page (remember, legal pad) makes me feel more in control and aware of the big picture of what I need to do.   I don’t have to go looking in different places for all the things that I need to get my tasks done (such as fax and phone numbers). Another perk of this approach is that when an intern or assistant asks if there is anything I need help with, I can turn to my list and immediately delegate a task. Without having things written all in one place, I never knew offhand what I could ask someone else to do. So I ended up doing it all myself (and usually at the last minute).

My advice to you is obvious… if you are struggling with being disorganized, use a running to do list.  If you have tried it in the past unsuccessfully, try it again.  Look for small ways to improve your system to work more efficiently.  Get back to the basics.  It just might be your ticket to being more in control of your life.

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I wrote an article a few weeks ago about how, after 2 years of being severely dependent on nasal spray, I was able to free myself from this nuisance. It was through the Rhinostat system that I was able to do this.

I am writing this article to give more detailed information on this product which has truly given me back my life (or at least, a functioning nose). Rhinostat system is an effective way to treat rebound congestion associated with prolonged nasal spray usage.

Rebound Congestion

The active ingredient in over the counter nasal sprays is a topical vasoconstrictor that temporarily reduces the size of the nasal turbinates, opens the nasal airway and provides decongestant relief from congestion. These sprays are very effective at relieving nasal congestion during the common cold, and also during bouts of nasal allergies.

The recommended period of time for using nasal sprays is up to 3 days. Using past this period of time will typically result in rebound congestion.

Topical nasal sprays act as an agonist to sympathetic a1 receptors in the blood vessels of the nose, signaling those vessels to contract. By decreasing blood flow to the lining of the nose, the tissue becomes less congested and mucous production is slowed.

After several days use of nasal spray products, the receptors become unregulated, requiring more frequent and higher doses to prevent the rebound congestion that results when the medicine wears off.

Rebound congestion causes extreme discomfort (I can attest to this). Because the nasal mucosa becomes abnormally swollen and enlarged, the nasal airway becomes completely blocked. This discomfort is relieved by the administration of another dose of nasal spray. As soon as the temporary effect of the last dose of spray wears off, another dose of spray is required to provide relief. This is how the nasal spray addiction is born.

Implications for the Addict

Nasal spray use is not a pretty sight. Most people are not comfortable snorting spray in front of people. For this reason, the nasal spray addict often develops secrecy around their addiction. They excuse themselves from social settings, wake up in the middle of the night and learn how to integrate the use of the sprays into their daily routines, in solitude.

Like any other addiction, it is very important to those addicted to spray to have it readily available. They keep a bottle of Afrin in their pocket or purse, their nightstand, glove box, backpack, briefcase and anywhere else necessary to ensure that it is readily available when needed. Most nasal spray addicts know every retail store in their neighborhood that carries the product.

Some people continue in their nasal spray addiction for years, even for the rest of their lives (On the Rhinostat website, there are reports of people that have been addicted to nose spray for over 40 years!).

Different Types of Treatment

The only way to break the cycle is to quit using the spray. This can be done in two ways, often referred to as “going off cold turkey” or “weaning”.

Going cold turkey, or all at once, is extremely uncomfortable, and can last for 4-7 days before the nose starts to funcion normally again. Typicall, physician’s advise patients to use the cold turkey method to brek the addiction. This was the advice my own doctor gave me. However, I was never able to motivate myself to live through the misery. There was never a convenient time for me to lose excessive amounts of sleep or go through the days not being able to breathe through my nose (I can’t imagine it would ever be convenient to anyone).

The biggest key to helping people successfully get off nasal spray is to help them minimize the discomfort while doing so. Rhinostat has developed an extremely effective way of doing this. While “cold turkey” was for so long considered to be the only way to get off nasal spray, Rhinostat came up with a way to gradually wean the patient off the stuff. Because the change is gradual, the discomfort is minimal and completely manageable.

How Rhinostat Works

The Rhinostat system is based on the method of “dosage titration”. This method allows for gradual & comfortable withdrawal from decongestants while maintaining nasal inspiratory flow.

Rhinostat kits are individually formulated for each rhinitis medicamentosa patient, depending upon the active compound in the decongestant nasal spray the patient is currently addicted to. Rhinostat provides the user with an apparatus that allows them to progressively reduce the concentration of the active compound in their decongestant. Depending upon the particular brand or type of spray, this will either be:

Oxymetazoline hcl (Most Common in USA)
Phenylepherine hcl (Second Most Common in USA)
Xylometazoline hcl (Most Common in Europe, Canada, Australia)
Naphazoline hcl (Rare in USA, more common in Asia)

Rhinostat apparatus

The Rhinostat apparatus is comprised of two bottles. The first bottle (dispenser bottle) contains a decongestant nasal spray formulation identical to the user’s current decongestant spray (based upon one of

the compounds listed above). The Rhinostat diluent solution (second bottle) is identical to the decongestant nasal spray formulation, without the active ingredient (vehicle placebo). The Rhinostat apparatus allows these two solutions to be precisely combined, thereby giving the user control of the dosage strength. The target rate of reduction (dosage titration) is 15% per day.

Dropper Bottle vs Spray Bottle

One issue that I had with the Rhinostat system was the method of medication delivery. The system comes with a dropper bottle instead of the spray bottle that I was accustomed to. Rhinostat reports that a spray bottle is not used in their kit because the titration is difficult to measure in such an apparatus.

I attempted to use the spray via dropper, but I was unsuccessful. I could not do it without getting the compound down my throat, which was very uncomfortable. This problem, in fact, caused me to procrastinate using the Rhinostat system for several months. Since then, I have also read accounts of others who have had the same problem.

The solution I found took a little more time, but it was worth the results. I simply used an empty spray bottle (I had no problem finding one of those around my house!) Every morning, I would pour the solution to the Rhinostat dropper bottle, add the appropriate amount of saline solution, and then I would put the compound back into my spray bottle. This way, I was able to use the spray comfortably as I was used to doing.

Rhinostat Disclaimer

Although Rhinostat is an effective method of weaning off nasal spray, its effectiveness is dependent on several key factors. The Rhinostat method is most effective for those patients who have no other underlying medical or physiologic conditions contributing to their rebound congestion (such as allergies or a deviated septum.) Patients who do have allergies that are contributing to their rebound congestion should consider discussing with their physicians the use of intranasal steroids along with Rhinostat.

Customer Service

The Rhinostat system worked for me on my first try. However, if for some reason your treatment fails on the first try, they will send you a second kit for free. An example of why the kit may not work the first time around is if you develop a cold while you are trying to wean from the medication.

The cost of a kit of Rhinostat is currently $35.00.

Rhinostat is also offering kits for free as a way to get the word of their product out to medical professionals. On their website they will direct you as to how you can get your free kit by going through your doctor. Therefore, even if you cannot afford Rhinostat, you can still try it.

Conclusion

If you are suffering from nasal spray addiction, you know how frustrating and inconvenient it is. I just got back from a camping trip with my family. While I was there, I thought back to last summer, and realized that we did not go camping at all. It may sound crazy, but a large part of why was because of my nasal spray addiction. At that time I was waking up every night, sometimes multiple times, and using nasal spray just to sleep comfortably. The thought of doing so while sleeping in a tent, waking everybody up while looking for nasal spray, walking to a bathroom or at least away from the tent in the dark by myself (again to avoid waking everybody up with my snorting) was very unappealing.

I cannot tell you how great it feels to be free from nasal spray. After the first week of using Rhinostat, I was amazed at the change in my life. And the process of weaning off the spray was painless. At times I would feel anxious, worried that I was going to experience discomfort, but as I used the system I found that there was no reason to worry. I know it sounds silly, but this is not an exaggeration.

I also recommend that if you have questions about Rhinostat , their website is very useful and informative.

Lastly, if you have experienced nasal spray addiction, or have kicked the nasal spray habit, please share your story by leaving a comment.

Thanks for stopping by, and happy breathing!

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Yesterday in my office… I’m a social worker by day… I was buried in paperwork and plugging along on my computer. I tried to get on the internet but as soon as I typed anything into the browser, I got that dreaded error message “Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience”. I tried a few more times, and the same thing happened. Yeah, yeah. Enough with the apologies.

So I picked up the phone and dialed tech support.

We have really great computer whizzes in our office. I have never been down to the basement where they are stationed, but I always imagine that it is a concrete room with lots of wires and computer equipment everywhere (see picture below).

The tech who answered my call listened as I told him the problem. He asked if my computer was on, and I said yes. Within a split second, something took possession of my screen. It was a little freakish and then I realized it was only him, accessing my computer remotely.

I was intrigued as I watched computer guy go through and try to find the problem on my device. He would open and close windows faster than you can say “laptop”. He would click on things and speak as he went, as if I could understand a single thing he was talking about. He would point to a string of letters, punctuation and numbers and say “see how nonsensical this file is? It looks suspicious to me”. I would verbally agree with him, but on the inside I was thinking that it looked about as suspicious as the UPC barcode on a bag of chips.

After watching computer guy delete, update, install, uninstall and reinstall things for about 45 minutes, I finally said “how do you figure out what is wrong?” (he still hadn’t identified what was going on).

He explained “when you look for a computer problem, you have to first determine whether it is equipment/hard drive related, or if the malady is more of an issue in the registry and/or files”.

Now it was clear as mud. What is a registry? The only thing that comes to mind is the one stop shopping sensation, Super Target, where I have gone many times to buy gifts from bridal and baby registries. Somehow, I didn’t think that was what he meant.

I must have been giving off a confused aura, because he decided to make an analogy that he thought I, as a social worker, could relate to. He said the hard drive/equipment would be like identifying a physical problem in a person, where a registry/file problem would be more like an emotional problem.

When he said this, I wanted to burst out in laughter. Was he telling me that my computer may have an emotional problem? Yeah, that is just what I need. A computer that needs therapy. Somehow, when I log onto my computer each day, I enjoy that it is not a person and not in crisis. I thought I was safe from these things in computerland.

But he was serious, and he continued to talk about this analogy for a long time.

Finally, after about 2 hours (yes, 2 hours…) computer guy said “done”. He had me try the internet and it was working like a charm. He apologized for taking so long, but I was just so happy that my computer had regained it’s sanity. 2 hours is not a long time compared to the years it takes some people to work out their issues in therapy.

My advice? None for now. I just wanted to share this heartwarming story.

If you are computer savvy, please excuse my complete ignorance if I used the wrong words or terms in this article. I am just going off what I remember from computer guy.

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On a recent Wednesday, I woke up and went downstairs. My husband had already left for work (normal). However, when I came to the kitchen table, I found a note (not normal) which read

I love all of you. I am nothing without you. Please be kind to each other. Love, Dad

My initial reaction was “hmmm, that’s weird”, but after that first feeling, I just thought it was sweet. So on I went with my day.

I went to work, and didn’t hear from Jorge all morning (normal… he’s a teacher). Then I got pretty busy at work in the afternoon, and didn’t realize until about 4:00 that I still had not talked to him all day. I tried calling his cell phone but he didn’t answer (normal). He never returned my calls (not normal).

I was on the phone with my mom around 5, and I mentioned to her the note Jorge left that morning. I told her I hadn’t been able to get a hold of him and she got a worried sound in her voice. This made me worry. She asked that I call her when I heard from him.

Around the same time, I called home and talked to my teenagers. They said they hadn’t heard from dad all day, and were a little freaked out. Usually, he shows up around lunch time if only for a few minutes. My 18 year old’s reaction to the note was “dad left a suicide note”. I reassured them that dad was fine and I was sure we would hear from him soon. But I was not so sure myself.

Let me digress and explain my concern. I wasn’t worried that Jorge had or ever would kill himself. He just loves himself too much to do such a thing. He is also not the selfish type that would off himself and leave his family behind to deal with the aftermath. It’s just not him.

However, the note was TOTALLY out of the ordinary. So my concern started to be along the lines of “what if he had a premonition that he was going to die today, and therefore left us the note as comfort when he was gone”. I know it sounds far out there, but that was seriously what I was starting to fear when I couldn’t reach him.

By 7:00 everybody was in a panic. I called home and nobody answered. I called my 16 year old daughter on her cell phone. She said that she and her sister had left the house because they got scared of what might have happened to dad (not sure how leaving the house helped, but hey, they are teenagers). I said I would be right home.

I found out when I got to the house that some of Jorge’s friends had come by to pick him up for a golfing appointment. Another cause for concern that he wasn’t there for that.

My mom called me about the same time to ask if I had heard from my husband. I told her I hadn’t, and she said she was going to call him herself. No luck, he didn’t answer for her either. I tried calling a few of Jorge’s friends but couldn’t get a hold of any of them.

Finally, I remembered that it was the night that Jorge normally holds a meeting for his soccer league. I jumped in my car and drove over to where the meeting is typically held. By this time I was frantic. All the “what ifs” were going through my head, and I was scared. The fact that we bought a pretty decent life insurance policy last year didn’t comfort me. I was thinking about how sad life would be for my kids without their dad. I was thinking about how sad my life would be without my husband.

When I drove up to the meeting place, I spotted Jorge’s car. That was a relief, but still, I was in panic mode. I marched in, past a few people, to the room where the meeting is held. I walked through the door and found Jorge in the front of the room, leading the meeting. I asked him to step out into the hallway. My intention was to chastise him severely for leaving that note, and for not calling all day.

However, when we stepped into the hall, my anger gave way to tears and I hugged him tight. He looked confused. Then my anger returned. I said “now that I know you’re alive, I’m going to kill you”. I asked why he hadn’t gone home for lunch. Running errands. Me: “You missed your golf appointment” … Him: “I forgot”. I asked why nobody had been able to get a hold of him all day. He held up his phone rather sheepishly and said it hadn’t been working… He also said he had tried to call me and our 16 year old daughter but had never gotten through. He told me to check my caller ID, but that wasn’t necessary really. I was just so glad to see that he was alive and well. And the love note really was just a love note. A sweet, thoughtful note.

In light of this experience, it would be wise to consider the following advice:

1. Be very careful about leaving the occasional love note. If it is out of character for you to do such a thing, leave a post script on your note, clarifying your intentions in writing the letter.

2. On the day you leave the note, make sure you are available by phone.

3. If you must leave a note, don’t miss appointments that day. And stick to your normal schedule.

4. On the other hand, there is some value that can be gained from scaring your family into thinking they might have lost you. It may have the effect of reminding them, and you, just how much they love you.

Lastly,

5. If you are wondering if your spouse wants you dead for the purpose of collecting your life insurance, this may be the way to find out how s/he really feels.

• If she seems disappointed to see you alive and well, you have a problem and should probably watch your back.
• If she is genuinely happy to see you, assume that you are worth more to her than all that money she stands to get when you are gone.

Have a comment? We love feedback!

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As a child welfare worker of 8 years, I have compiled a list of things to do if you no longer wish to parent your children. Maybe you are tired and just need a break. Or maybe you want to move forward with your life, without children holding you back from what you really want to do. So here it is!

1. Leave the door unlocked, or open, and take a long, long nap while your 2 year old is allowed to wander the neighborhood. This one works best if you are not the type of person who knows your neighbors, and your kid is non-verbal. This way, nobody can figure out where your child lives. 
2. If you have any type of mental illness that is being treated, stop the treatments. Be sure not to follow any of your treating doctors recommendations. In fact, stop seeing the professional altogether. Things will probably unravel pretty quickly.
3. If you are a single mom, look for the creepiest guy in the neighborhood and then start dating him. Marry him. Don’t be surprised when you find out he has been molesting your kids. When your kids tell you this is happening, tell them you don’t believe them. Let them tell their friend or teacher, so it can get back to the authorities.
4. Do drugs while you are pregnant, so your baby will test positive at birth.  The more addictive the drugs,  the better.  It tends to get people super upset when they see a baby going through drug withdrawals at such a tender young age.
5. Do lots and lots of drugs, with your kids right there in the room. Better yet, do drugs with your kids (someone has to teach them, right? Why not you?). While you are at it, teach your teenage daughter how to prostitute to pay for the drugs.
6. If you really want your kids taken away in a hurry, methamphetamine labs in particular tend to alarm the authorities. Something about how they can explode and kill a child at any given point in time. Not to mention their incredible amount of toxicity.
7. Hit your kids, and do it hard enough to leave a mark. Several bruises in differing phases of healing will make the social workers feel even stronger about taking your child. Or bones that have broken and healed at different rates.
8. Fight violently with your significant other while your children are home. If you aren’t the type to be aggressive, find a partner who is, and let them hit you, push you down, call you degrading names, etc. Make sure your children see this kind of stuff happening. No matter what anyone says about how dangerous this relationship is, keep going back and trying to work things out with this person.
9. Don’t clean your house. Ever. If you have pets, don’t house train them. Make sure there are feces on the floor, where your baby needs to crawl to get anywhere. Leave food out on the counters so that rodents will frequent your kitchen.
10. Don’t do the basic things you should be doing for your kid. Make sure not to get them to school, doctors, dentists. Don’t feed them, don’t do their laundry, don’t help with homework, don’t nurture them, don’t supervise them… this approach may take longer, but eventually somebody will notice that your kids are being neglected.

OK, that’s the end of the list.   Now you know what 8 years of working in child welfare will do to you.

Just as a disclaimer, NO I am not seriously suggesting that you do any of the things listed above. Sadly, most of these do happen to children on a regular basis, which is why the job of a child welfare worker is never done.

Seriously, if you are struggling as a parent, there are ways to get help that don’t involve hurting or neglecting your children. For support and ideas, visit Prevent Child Abuse America, or call 1-800-CHILDREN.

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How It All Began

I have been “addicted” to n ose spray on and off (mostly on) for the past 2 years or so. It all started when I was 8 months pregnant and I got a really bad cold. There was very little in the way of medications that I could safely take to treat my severe congestion. The things I tried like Sudafed didn’t work very well and kept me awake at night. I was so miserable.

One night during this illness, I went out to eat. My waitress was also pregnant, and she noticed how sick I was. She made a suggestion to me… nasal spray. Over the counter run of the mill nasal spray. She recommended the Wal-Mart brand. Said it worked like a miracle to clear congestion, and it was safe during pregnancy.

I called a friend who is a pharmacist to confirm that nasal spray truly is safe to use while pregnant, and he confirmed it was. We went to Wal-Mart on the way home and bought the stuff. I was staying with my parents at the time while my husband was out of town. They are witnesses that my first use of the spray was very awkward. I had a hard time figuring out how to get the medicine up into my nose without gagging it down my throat (UGH!). But I finally did figure it out. Oh, did I figure it out.

It really was a miracle. I never appreciated breathing through my nose so much. It was pure heaven. I slumbered all night and had a new hope for the next day with my miracle drug at my side.

The package warns (for good reason) that you should not use the spray for more than 3 days at a time. If you use it any longer you can develop “rebound congestion”. Your nose swells shut inside even when you are no longer sick, requiring you to continue using the spray just to breathe normally.

Well, I ignored the warning because my cold lasted for more than 3 days. They say the way you can get off the spray is to suffer through the rebound congestion…. for up to 2 weeks!… and then your nasal membranes will readjust and start working on their own again. Well, being 8/9 months pregnant, I had enough discomfort to deal with. So I didn’t quit. After my daughter was born, I did not choose to go through the withdrawal because I was so tired and adjusting to life with my new little baby.

Well, months passed, and a lot of money passed between myself and the drug stores. I no longer used just the Wal-Mart brand, but I used any kind of spray I could get my hands on. At times I felt like a nose spray junkie. I became obsessed with always having the stuff available. If I left the house for more than a couple hours, I panicked if I didn’t have it with me. Eventually, there were bottles in my purse, diaper bag, bathroom, car,office…. My husband was worried at the thought that I was addicted to anything. He wondered if it was making me high or something, because he just didn’t understand why I would be so obsessive about using a nose spray (by the way, no it does not make you “high”. It does not affect your brain, or any other part of your body. Just the nasal membranes).

I researched the nose spray addiction a little and found at that I was not alone. Apparently, there are many people out there depending on that small bottle to get them through each day and night. There are people who have been addicted for 30 years or more! Imagine that! Well, I didn’t want to be one of them.

The Final Straw

One particularly bad memory with this problem was my 6th wedding anniversary. Actually, the evening was wonderful and romantic. After going out to dinner, my husband and I sporadically decided to go to a hotel for the night (sans luggage of any kind). When we got there, I realized I didn’t have my nose spray! I left my husband in the room while I ran to the store to buy some. (He was fine with this, since there was a soccer game on he wanted to watch anyway Everything was fine until about 2pm. I woke up severely congested. I took my bottle of nose spray into the bathroom and turned on the vent, because I didn’t want to wake my husband with my awful nose snorting sounds. I swear it took about an hour of snorting the spray and blowing my nose before it finally cleared out. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was to be sitting in that hotel bathroom for an hour dealing with congestion while I should have been sleeping peacefully next to my husband. Every night required me to wake at least one time to use the spray. This was the night it just really hit home how inconvenient this problem had become.

The Solution

My mom told me she had heard of something that claimed could help rebound congestion, called Rhinostat. It’s a system she saw advertised that is supposed to help you wean yourself off of nasal spray, without having the extreme discomfort of going cold turkey. I decided to give it a try, especially when she ordered it for me!

Well, if I thought nasal spray was a wonderful thing in the beginning, Rhinostat was truly the miracle I needed to get off it. After about 7 days of using the system, which gradually dilutes the medication with saline solution, I was off the spray. I couldn’t believe how easy and painless the process was. The only thing required was that each morning I filled my sprayer with a slightly more diluted solution of the spray. Each time I felt congested, I used the spray as normal, and it worked.

It has been about 2 months since I have been off nasal spray. It is so wonderful to have that monkey off my back! I was cleaning out my desk a few days ago and found several bottles that were still full. Before I used the Rhinostat, I would have been desperate to find these bottles during a period of congestion. But this time, I threw them away with a smile, knowing that I no longer need that stuff.

So here is my advice to you: If you suffer from rebound congestion, try Rhinostat. You can visit their website to order your kit today. (By the way, I am not an affiliate for Rhinostat, and I am not being paid to write this article). It is well worth the $50 or so that it costs to be free from nasal spray addiction. And if you have not tried nasal spray, be careful if you decide to use it. It really does work to relieve congestion… but please, heed the warning label and don’t use it more than the recommended amount of time.

Rebound congestion is an inconvenient, embarassing, money eating, time consuming affliction. So do what you can to get over it and stay away from what causes it!

If you experience, or have experienced rebound congestion, please share your experience and what has or hasn’t worked for you in getting over this problem.

As always, thanks for stopping by! Hope to see you back soon…..

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This past weekend, I went on vacation to a beautiful lake town a few hours away from home. My brother and his wife brought their boat. I was looking forward to taking a boat ride or two, but nothing more exciting than that. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself strapping on a life jacket, jumping into the water, and strapping the bindings of a wake board on my feet! I have never successfully water skied, and have only been snow skiing once. I was very nervous, but watching my brother and sister-in-law surfing behind the boat looked so cool. I just had to try it.

My first try was a complete disaster. My instructors (aka my brother, brother-in-law and sister-in-law) had told me what to expect, and what to do, but I had no idea what that really meant until I was holding the rope and the boat jerked forward. I let go of the rope and the wake board flew under me, pulling me face down in the water. So I got back up, grabbed the rope, and tried again. Same thing. After a few times of this happening, I started to realize that I needed to position myself slightly different to accommodate the dynamics of the water, wake board, and my body. I started to make progress (according to the experts who were watching me), but still, no cool surfing behind the boat! Each time I would get a little closer and realize something else I was doing wrong. By about the 10th or so try, I finally was able to get up for about for about a split second. By that time I was exhausted and decided I would have to come back another day for more practice.

Shortly after we came home from our vacation, my older kids decided to teach my five year old how to ride his bike sans training wheels. He was terrified but worked up his courage to try. As I watched him go back and forth on the sidewalk, with his sisters running beside him, I thought again about the importance of experiencing “failure” as a way to learn. He fell a few times, and each time, his siblings explained to him the best way to fall, how to prevent falling, etc. I watched my little boy learn the dynamics of a two wheel bike as he experienced falling again and again. He has not yet mastered this skill, but I have no doubt that he will with some more practice, and plenty more falls.

What is failure anyway? The dictionary defines it as “The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end”. I say that failure is just a necessary step toward ultimately achieving whatever it is we are trying to do. It sounds cliché, but there is a reason for cliché’s… usually they are true.

As illustrated by my (non) wake boarding experience, and that of my son learning to ride a two wheeler, with each failure comes a powerful opportunity to learn. There is no way to become skilled at wake boarding without actually being in the water and trying. For most people, that involves a lot of learning of what doesn’t work before finding out what does. The same goes for riding a bike. You can’t just explain to your kid how to ride a two wheeler and then away they ride into the sunset. Life is about trial and error. And then success.

In working with addicts, I have learned that relapse is a part of recovery. Why? Simply because as the addict begins to be conscious of what is going on, the relapses that happen become an amazing learning tool to them. Although they are not yet at the point of complete success, they are able to gain more insight into their problem, and how they get there each time. They are able to consciously choose to get out of that pattern and learn the small but significant ways to get where they want to go.

I find this to be an amazing principle. Looking at failure as a way to success is not just a way to lick your wounds and make yourself feel better when you are down. Evaluate any failure you are experiencing or have experienced, and see what you can glean from it. How can it help you be more successful next time? I am 100% sure you will find something valuable as you look at your failures in this way.

Please share your experiences with this principle, and offer your own insights by leaving a comment!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

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We just wanted to let everybody know that we are getting a new name! Solution Focused Blogger will now be located at http://www.plainadvice.com. We are expecting that it will take a few days to move all the content over to the new site, but we are working on it.

For all you loyal solution focused readers, don’t worry about the new name… the new site will still be as solution focused as ever! The decision to change the name was made with long term goals in mind. Plain Advice is a much shorter, easier to remember name. Although solutionfocusedblogger.com is also a great name, a lot of people looked blank when we would say it out loud to them. Hmmmm, wonder why.

If you forget the new name and keep coming back to this domain, don’t worry, we will redirect you to the new one. Oh yeah, and be sure to let us know what you think about the new orange theme!

Thanks for stopping by! Can’t wait to see you at Plain Advice!

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