Feeling and Demonstrating Genuine Concern for Others
So you want to be able to speak your mind without making enemies? In the introduction to this series, I listed 5 ways that I interact with others. I identify these methods of interaction as the reason I am able to maintain positive relationships under some of the most difficult circumstances.
If you are seeking to build a positive and engaging relationship, showing genuine concern for the other person is paramount, and it is the first method of interaction that will be discussed.
The most basic thing that must happen as you show genuine concern for another is that you feel what you are trying to show. You can fake it all you want, but unless your feelings are authentic, all the nice things in the world you say or do won’t be received as real. On the other hand, as you do grow to care about a person, your emotions will illicit genuine expressions of those feelings.
Feeling and showing genuine concern for others comes more naturally to some than to others. For this reason, it is quite challenging to try to teach somebody how to care and how to show they care in a way that is genuine.
In spite of the challenge in teaching this skill, there are some basic things you can do that will help you build the ability to feel and demonstrate genuine concern for others:
1. Decide that people matter, that each human being is valuable, regardless of what condition he or she might be in at the moment.
2. Use your own experiences in life to become more attuned to the problems of people you come in contact with. Make connections in your heart and mind between your life and theirs. This will help you develop empathy. Emotions and sensations felt by you in one situation are similar to the feelings others experience in their lives. When you are able to draw parallels between your experiences and those of others, your love and concern for them will naturally grow.
3. Give service to the person you want to feel genuine concern for. This is not the same as “faking” that you care, but is a genuine gesture of wanting to care more. Helping somebody has a miraculous way of helping you connect with that person.
The concept of love and service being intertwined is built into us on a biological level. One of the reasons parents love their children so much is because they give so much of themselves for their child… their bodies, their sleep, their time, their money, their nice furniture 
4. Listen. Until you really listen, chances are you aren’t even getting a glimpse at the genuine person you are dealing with. Hear what they are saying, and then go back to Step #2, and work on developing empathy.
The steps listed above are powerful. If sincerely applied in your relationships, these things will help you grow genuine concern in your heart for others. Once you feel it, demonstrating your feelings with sincerity will come easily.
With this skill under your belt, you have taken a huge step toward having positive and engaging relationships with others. In these types of relationships, you will be able to honestly speak your mind without alienating and disengaging most people.
Check back soon for the next article in this series: “Having Unconditional Positive Regard for Others”. If you haven’t already, subscribe to my RSS feed! Don’t know what RSS is? Click here to find out more!
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October 9th, 2007 at 12:58 am
Brooke,
Great post, and great advice. I can tell you are a very empathetic individual
One thing that came to mind when I read this post was that these behaviors you speak of all play off of certain character qualities people must have. They must have a well-developed, independent character before they can carry on these interpersonal relationships you are describing.
I don’t know if you’ve written about it before, as I have just started reading your blog. However, if you haven’t written about “the role of character in leading successful relationships,” or something like that, it would be great!
Just thought I’d give a suggestion
Rahul
October 9th, 2007 at 7:12 am
Rahul,
You are right…character does play a huge part in the types of relationships an individual engages in, and the interactions that take place. Thank you for the topic suggestion, which I will certainly consider as a future post!
Thanks for your well though comment, and I hope to see you around Plain Advice in the future!
Brooke
October 9th, 2007 at 9:16 am
This is a nice article.
PS - Just as a suggestion, you might want to make the numbered points bold, or in tags or something, it would make it much easier to read the main points of the post.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:17 am
Oh, and another suggestion… you might want to move the related posts above the comments. I didn’t realize they were there until after I had already commented.
October 11th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
I don’t know what Jason is talking about? I wonder if he even read the post? I can’t stand people that notice little things like that. Can you?
Oh, by the way you used the word genuine 11 times. Just thought I’d let you know.
genuine post Brooke. Keep it up.