Plain Advice

Different Culture, Different Food

One big lifestyle difference my husband I have is regarding food. We were raised on completely different menus.

When I was growing up, we ate a lot of casseroles and pasta dishes. Sometimes we would have breakfast for dinner (eggs, bacon, pancakes). When we went out to eat, we would go for a hamburger, taco’s or if my parents wanted to take us somewhere nice, for a steak and baked potato. We usually had a vegetable with our meal, and often we had jello or fruit along with the main dish. We always had dessert after dinner. For lunch we usually ate a sandwich of some type. Breakfast was normally cold cereal.

Most of the food I grew up on is not appealing to Jorge. He is not into casseroles or pasta. He thinks it is very weird that we eat jello and fruit with our main course. In his culture, those are the things people eat for dessert.

The things my family ate for dessert (cookies, cake, ice cream, etc) are things that are only an occasional indulgence where he comes from. And he was not raised eating many vegetables (except potatoes, which I don’t think really count). For lunch, he is used to having a hot meal. You will never catch him eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, or any other time for that matter.

I think it’s weird that Jorge eats rice and potatoes in the same sitting (ummm, starch overload!). I also find it strange that he likes soup for breakfast. Sometimes he comes home from the local Latin market with fruits I have never seen or heard of. One of them is called “tuna”, and it looks like a cactus plant. Just the fact that the fruit is called tuna makes it hard for me to seriously consider eating it.

While we were dating I remember being exasperated that Jorge wanted to eat rice every day.To me, that was overkill. Sure, we had rice in my home growing up, maybe once a week. If Jorge had his way, he would eat the stuff for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I never liked cooking rice, and honestly, was never very good at it. What was I to do? After 5 years of marriage, and many pots of burned rice, Jorge came up with a brilliant idea… a rice cooker! It cost us about $20 and was well worth every penny. We do have rice cooking in our house almost daily now, and it never burns!

We have a hard time deciding where to go out for dinner, because the things we want are so extremely different. Jorge is almost always in the mood to go to a Peruvian or Bolivan restaurant, where he can get rice, beef, potatoes, fried bananas, eggs, and special little touches that are native to his part of the world. Although I have grown to like this food, I am not always in the mood for it. I don’t think we have ever looked at each other, and said “mmm, let’s get a hamburger”. Nope. He doesn’t go for American fast food… He even hates pizza.

Generally, when we go out to eat, we have found that the best place to go is a buffet. It’s not very romantic, I know, but there is a large variety of food, and usually, we can find something that is appetizing to both of us. This is one way we have found to adapt to our differences in food preference. When the buffet is not appetizing to us, we take turns deciding where to go. If I don’t like his choice, I know next time it is my turn, and vice versa. On some rare occasions, we actually do want the same type of food (usually that is when I am in the mood for Bolivian)

Why We Eat

Besides the differences in what we find appetizing, there is the whole aspect of why we eat. Jorge grew up in a third world country, where food is not abundant the way it is in the U.S. It is easy for Jorge to distinguish between wanting and needing food. I, on the other hand, have never gone truly hungry a day in my life, but I have emotional issues galore with food. I know many people in American culture do.

Jorge sees eating as a necessary thing he has to do to stay alive. Sure, he enjoys his food, but it is not a driving emotional force for him like it is for me. He once told me he wishes someone would invent a pill he could take to meet his caloric needs, so he wouldn’t have to bother with eating. Wow. That would never work for me. In my world, food is too important in so many ways beyond the physical aspect.

I have a friend who recently told me that she and her husband were feeling depressed, so they ordered pizza and ate ice cream together. This doesn’t happen in my relationship.

Jorge has also pointed out to me the role that food plays in American parties, weddings, etc. Of course, food is also served at Latin parties and weddings. But in Jorge’s culture, the main attraction is dancing. He is extremely bored at American parties where eating seems to be the center of the celebration.

So Our Food is Different, Now What?

So the food issue has not always been easy for Jorge and I to handle in our relationship. At times I know we have both thought how nice it would be to have similar food preferences. However, there are ways to manage this difference with the goal of having a successful and satisfying relationship.

Here are some tips that have helped Jorge and I with the food issues:

1. Create a unique food culture between you and your partner. Find foods that you both like, and build on those things. Incorporate foods from both cultures into your own food culture.

2. Be open minded and willing to try new things. I never would have known that Jorge’s native food is actually very good, had I not been willing to go out on a limb and try it. Sometimes I actually crave rice with eggs, which I had never even considered putting together before I knew him.

3. Learn to cook dishes from your partners traditional cuisine. I have learned to cook some Bolivian foods from my sister in law. We also have a Peruvian friend who continues to teach me how to cook some of those dishes that Jorge loves. It brings Jorge and I closer together when I make the effort to make him feel “at home” in our home.

4. Find ways to compromise, and do what works. As mentioned above, buying a rice cooker was a great solution to my perceived problem of Jorge wanting to eat rice everyday (and me not wanting to cook it). Now he can have his rice and eat it too.

5. Appreciate the positives! Jorge and I will probably never binge on junk food together, but this is a healthy thing for both of us. His attitude that food is for living and not the other way around is a philosophy I would like to have myself. In the meantime, I will be more healthy simply because I am married to him.

Another positive to all this is the rich diversity we have in our lives because of our differences. I really do appreciate the Latin and American mixture that makes up our family. We have a flavor and flair that is different from any other clan I know.

6. Do what works! Find creative ways around the differences about food. As mentioned above, we go out to buffets quite often so we will both have a variety to choose from.

Conclusion

It is important to recognize that intercultural relationships will have some unique issues such as differences in food preferences. To make these relationships successful, it is important that each partner have an open mind, be willing to try new things, adopt their own food culture, and look at the positive things these differences bring into their lives.

If you have experience or advice on this topic, feel free to leave a comment!

Thanks for stopping by! Please come back soon for Part 4 of this series: Cultural Values.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007 at 10:14 pm and is filed under Interracial and Intercultural, Marriage and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.