Plain Advice

On a recent Wednesday, I woke up and went downstairs. My husband had already left for work (normal). However, when I came to the kitchen table, I found a note (not normal) which read

I love all of you. I am nothing without you. Please be kind to each other. Love, Dad

My initial reaction was “hmmm, that’s weird”, but after that first feeling, I just thought it was sweet. So on I went with my day.

I went to work, and didn’t hear from Jorge all morning (normal… he’s a teacher). Then I got pretty busy at work in the afternoon, and didn’t realize until about 4:00 that I still had not talked to him all day. I tried calling his cell phone but he didn’t answer (normal). He never returned my calls (not normal).

I was on the phone with my mom around 5, and I mentioned to her the note Jorge left that morning. I told her I hadn’t been able to get a hold of him and she got a worried sound in her voice. This made me worry. She asked that I call her when I heard from him.

Around the same time, I called home and talked to my teenagers. They said they hadn’t heard from dad all day, and were a little freaked out. Usually, he shows up around lunch time if only for a few minutes. My 18 year old’s reaction to the note was “dad left a suicide note”. I reassured them that dad was fine and I was sure we would hear from him soon. But I was not so sure myself.

Let me digress and explain my concern. I wasn’t worried that Jorge had or ever would kill himself. He just loves himself too much to do such a thing. He is also not the selfish type that would off himself and leave his family behind to deal with the aftermath. It’s just not him.

However, the note was TOTALLY out of the ordinary. So my concern started to be along the lines of “what if he had a premonition that he was going to die today, and therefore left us the note as comfort when he was gone”. I know it sounds far out there, but that was seriously what I was starting to fear when I couldn’t reach him.

By 7:00 everybody was in a panic. I called home and nobody answered. I called my 16 year old daughter on her cell phone. She said that she and her sister had left the house because they got scared of what might have happened to dad (not sure how leaving the house helped, but hey, they are teenagers). I said I would be right home.

I found out when I got to the house that some of Jorge’s friends had come by to pick him up for a golfing appointment. Another cause for concern that he wasn’t there for that.

My mom called me about the same time to ask if I had heard from my husband. I told her I hadn’t, and she said she was going to call him herself. No luck, he didn’t answer for her either. I tried calling a few of Jorge’s friends but couldn’t get a hold of any of them.

Finally, I remembered that it was the night that Jorge normally holds a meeting for his soccer league. I jumped in my car and drove over to where the meeting is typically held. By this time I was frantic. All the “what ifs” were going through my head, and I was scared. The fact that we bought a pretty decent life insurance policy last year didn’t comfort me. I was thinking about how sad life would be for my kids without their dad. I was thinking about how sad my life would be without my husband.

When I drove up to the meeting place, I spotted Jorge’s car. That was a relief, but still, I was in panic mode. I marched in, past a few people, to the room where the meeting is held. I walked through the door and found Jorge in the front of the room, leading the meeting. I asked him to step out into the hallway. My intention was to chastise him severely for leaving that note, and for not calling all day.

However, when we stepped into the hall, my anger gave way to tears and I hugged him tight. He looked confused. Then my anger returned. I said “now that I know you’re alive, I’m going to kill you”. I asked why he hadn’t gone home for lunch. Running errands. Me: “You missed your golf appointment” … Him: “I forgot”. I asked why nobody had been able to get a hold of him all day. He held up his phone rather sheepishly and said it hadn’t been working… He also said he had tried to call me and our 16 year old daughter but had never gotten through. He told me to check my caller ID, but that wasn’t necessary really. I was just so glad to see that he was alive and well. And the love note really was just a love note. A sweet, thoughtful note.

In light of this experience, it would be wise to consider the following advice:

1. Be very careful about leaving the occasional love note. If it is out of character for you to do such a thing, leave a post script on your note, clarifying your intentions in writing the letter.

2. On the day you leave the note, make sure you are available by phone.

3. If you must leave a note, don’t miss appointments that day. And stick to your normal schedule.

4. On the other hand, there is some value that can be gained from scaring your family into thinking they might have lost you. It may have the effect of reminding them, and you, just how much they love you.

Lastly,

5. If you are wondering if your spouse wants you dead for the purpose of collecting your life insurance, this may be the way to find out how s/he really feels.

• If she seems disappointed to see you alive and well, you have a problem and should probably watch your back.
• If she is genuinely happy to see you, assume that you are worth more to her than all that money she stands to get when you are gone.

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This entry was posted on Monday, July 30th, 2007 at 10:46 pm and is filed under Marriage and Relationships, Miscellaneous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.