Plain Advice

Recently, I was walking through my office when I saw a quote hanging on the cubicle of a co-worker.

“Got enemies? Good! That means that sometime in your life, you have been willing to stand up for something you believe in!”

The quote sounds great and noble at face value. But guess what? I think its NONSENSE. Having enemies is absolutely NOT a necessary result of speaking your mind and standing up for what you believe in.

I am a social worker. I have to do some things in my line of work that make people pretty mad. I have removed newborn babies from mothers straight from the hospital, to put them in foster care. Being a mother, I have some idea of how angry this must make a new mom.

I have gone into court many times to testify against parents, witnessing that they are unfit to ever have their child return to them. At times I have been the key witness, with the end result being permanent termination of parental rights to their children. Devastating.

If there was ever a reason to hate somebody, I would think the parents sitting at the defense table have a legitimate reason to hate me. Separating parents and children is very serious business, and something I never take lightly.

The strange thing is, I don’t think I have an enemy among any of the the parents I have worked with. In fact, I don’t think there is a person in the world that views me as their enemy.

Have people been mad at me? Sure. Mad enough to hate me for a time? Of course. But when all is said and done, I think most people who know me will acknowledge that I am a decent person, who never wanted to hurt them or their families.

(As a disclaimer, there is the occasional paranoid schizophrenic who develops some type of conspiracy theory about me… but in their more lucid moments, even these types can still acknowledge that I am not out to get them).

Do you want to know how I am able to “stand up for something” that is so emotionally upsetting to those I am standing up against, without creating enemies? Here are a few key points that I have identified about my interactions with others.

1. Feeling and demonstrating genuine concern for people
2. Having an unconditional positive regard for people
3. Being honest and giving full disclosure
4. Giving others the benefit of the doubt
5. Being able to admit to my mistakes

The five steps above will be covered in-depth, as I explore each one in a series of articles.

One of my greatest strengths, as a social worker and as a human, is the way I am able to engage with others. Please join me as I share this strength to help you in your own interactions with the world.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, October 4th, 2007 at 2:39 pm and is filed under Personal Development. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.