Plain Advice

About 7 years ago, when I was getting ready to marry my (now) husband, I was anticipating the difficulties we would face as being interracial, intercultural, and a blended family on top of it all. I was reading a lot, trying to learn as much as I could about how to make my marriage a success. I found many helpful ideas, but one book, by far, stuck out to me then and now. “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman had a lasting impact on me. I have referred back to it many times during my marriage, and have also referred friends to read it that were struggling in their own relationships. The concepts in the book are simple yet powerful.

The basic premise is that there are different ways that people give and receive love. The author refers to these different approaches as “emotional languages”, and points out that they can be as different as English and Chinese. The languages fall into 5 basic categories. They are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Individuals favor one or two ways they express and receive love for a myriad of reasons. Many times, problems in relationships stem from the fact that those involved do not speak or recognize the love language of the other. Therefore, although each partner may be trying sincerely to express love to the other, one or both may feel unloved due to a lack of understanding.

This can be compared to trying to communicate with somebody who speaks Portuguese using English words. It is not until you learn some Portuguese, or they learn some English, or you both learn some words in each others language, that you will be able to understand each other.

For example, my primary love languages are quality time and words of affirmation, while my husband receives love more through acts of service. In fact, Jorge doesn’t receive love much at all through words of affirmation,and sometimes becomes annoyed at receiving too many compliments or praise. However, if I make efforts to cook him his favorite meal or do something for him unexpectedly, this gives him the feeling that I love him.

By knowing how Jorge and I differ in our love languages, we are better able to show love to each other, and also recognize and appreciate when the other is trying in their own language to express those feelings.

The book has sections that can help you identify your own love language and that of your partner. The good news is, it is never too late to learn how to speak and act in ways that will show your partner you love him/her by learning to speak their love language.

There are many free resources at the Five Love Languages website that can help you learn more about the languages and how being aware of them can strengthen your relationships.

The book can be purchased by clicking on the link below.

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Here is your chance to learn another language!

Let me know what you think by leaving a comment. Thanks for stopping by!

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This entry was posted on Friday, August 17th, 2007 at 2:47 am and is filed under Marriage and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.